Note to self no. 08: Pregnancy edition

Today it’s 12—TWELVE—days left until my due date. That means that I’ve been pregnant for about 268 days, and the little one can arrive any day now. I’ve become slightly too top heavy the last few weeks, but I still think this have been the best pregnancy I could hope for. Except from the nights I wake up in terror dreaming I’ll give birth to Donald Trump, I’ve hardly had any issues worth mentioning.

Still I’ve picked up a thing or two about my own body (who has allowed itself some liberties), my own mind, and about how people respond to growing bellies. Here are a few notes I’ve made during the last nine months. 

Note to self no. 08-01
Most people want to keep their pregnancy a secret the first weeks, but it can feel like you have “I AM PREGNANT” written all over you. This is a good time to work on your pokerface, and if you want to keep people from figure it out, you might want to avoid starting every 
sentence with “If I ever get pregnant, I’m not saying I ever will, but if…”. And also, not every man in a dark hoodie is out to stab you in the belly.

 

“And there’s a good chance there won’t be a marching band arriving to celebrate your pregnancy, even though it would be appropriate.”

Note to self no 08-02
When it’s finally time to share the good news, remember that your pregnancy might not be as life changing for the guy in human recourses that it is for you, so don’t be disappointed if nobody brings out confetti and cake. And there’s a good chance there won’t be a marching band arriving to celebrate your pregnancy, even though it would be appropriate.

Note to self no. 08-03
If you happen to have a family that (almost) only produces girl babies, it may come as a shock when you see a tiny penis on the ultrasound. In such case it’s perfectly fine to ask the midwife to zoom in on the pee pee, photograph is, draw a circle around, and send the photo to close family for confirmation. Just make sure to have the photo deleted before the little one hits puberty.